DEALING
The next time I hear someone say “all is well/it is well/all will be well”, I’d probably punch someone in the face.
I recently said these words to Samuel. Samuel is an incredible guy, wise, witty and that Disney narrator voice, which makes him sound like he was singing whilst he was only merely talking. He is the closest thing to a friend lately and even when we haven’t met in person, I loved our occasional discourse. Of course he tried to pick me up and make me feel better. If you know Samuel, please tell him he failed (lol) but I appreciate him always.
I have always wanted to write one of those one-size-fit-all motivational articles/book. I figured that would be my big break as a writer. You know that type you can share with a grieving heart, a broken hearted (person wey just chop breakfast), that person feeling defeated, frustrated and beaten, the one lost in the turmoil of this chaotic life, the one who cannot catch a break or even stop to catch his/her breath, the one underwater, undersea, under a boulder or under a dense cloud-eclipsing the sun with no light in sight. One crazy philosophical write up that sums all of mans’ pain in a concise rendering of words and lines, paragraphs and pages.
To be honest, I have tried everything I know to attempt to rouse my creativity, invoke my spirit to illicit such explosive, expository content that’d leave the reader speechless and at the same time be the libation, buoy, lifeline or chute he/she needs to get out of, out from whatever keeps him/her aground or in bounds. Here I must say, I failed too. I am however taking solace in the truth that many have tried before me, many are trying as of this moment and many will try even after me.
We are constantly plagued by a horde of life-changing, dream crushing, peace pausing, soul snuffing trials and tribulations. Each one unique in its way. A happy life is at the most vulnerable to attack, encircled and constantly besieged by these situations. Wait, scratch that. Disaster doesn’t hold prejudice. It really doesn’t spare anyone regardless of status or situation. I wouldn’t be too surprised if this generates a debate about who gets assaulted the most within the social classes.
We deal differently with situations. What would make a man cry, would make another sad and yet another laugh maniacally.
We deal differently with pain, with sadness, with grief, with emptiness and loneliness and with the many situations that endlessly tries to make life unlivable and unbearable. The next time I hear someone say “it is well”, I’d probably punch someone in the face. This one answer to every time a person bares out their hearts in all of its vagueness and ambiguity is one of such one-size-fit-all responses. Over the years, it has become engrained into the norms and culture of communication. The essence of wellness in the context has been whitewashed with the excess, shallow use of the expression that it doesn’t just sound pall and uninteresting, it lacks the depth of hope for which it was intended. It fails to drive empathy, even less, the sense of comfort.
We deal differently with fear and what would make a man shit his pants will probably give another kicks and be his sport.
While dealing with life, its excesses and extremities, men tend to indulge. Sky diving, bungee jumping, extreme sports and the many planes of indulgence I am not privileged to touch due to its delicacy. I have always wondered what motivates these indulgences. What would make a man wake up and decide to course a particular indulgence? Case study, Taiwo, jumping off a cliff to swing on a loose rope with strong harness because of the edginess and thrills. My answer is, perpetual happiness is impossible in a life constantly plagued. Life really is too complex for a simple solution or maybe it is too simple for a complex ambiguous solution that doesn’t solve the problem but would rather give a shallow sense of hope that barely gets anyone anywhere. Some however would argue that hope is sometimes all a person needs. Even so, I’d take hope in a different expression than vague empty promises of a tomorrow no one is sure of.
When push comes to shove or sometimes when the tides ebb and nothing works, a thirst for adventure and desire for alternates beckon. Sometimes it is the adrenaline rush that mimics the feeling of happiness or whatever panacea/elixirs/distraction that hits the reward center. I have never been one to judge a man zoned in his distraction. I recall reading somewhere that if you fake a smile long enough, it would make you feel better.
Some may argue that that temporary feeling of happiness would lead even further into depression. They just might be right. Many have however died in pursuit of perpetual happiness. Maybe, the reality is to take moments of these temporary, arbitrary, impulsive happiness and fuse them into a collage and each time a new opportunity to make something worthwhile and colorful, to make a splash happens, you throw in both hands and update your collage. Life really is too simple for a complex solution or too complex for a simple solution. Rather than the falsity of hope splashed in the words “it is well”, why not tell that troubled friend to breathe, to live, to make the best of today, to deal with grief, heartbreak, pain in their own way and on their terms without generalizing, trivializing their pain or glorifying pain. No two person feels the same thing the same way, respect before empathizing, empathize without justifying and if you must motivate, be creative, be witty, be positive and be true.
